there's beauty in the breakdown...

time for me to breakdown

I saw what I saw

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it I heard what I heard and I can't go back I know what I know and I can't deny it Something on the road, cut me to the soul Your pain has changed me your dream inspires your face a memory your hope a fire your courage asks me what I'm afraid of (what I am made of) and what I know of love we've done what we've done and we can't erase it we are what we are and it's more than enough we have what we have but it's no substitution Something on the road, touched my very soul I say what I say with no hesitation I have what I have and I'm giving it up I do what I do with deep conviction Something on the road, changed my world -Sara Groves

I did not take this photos. but my heart longs to, someday, take my own pictures of beautiful people like these. to be able to give them a voice in this world. to somehow be able to make a difference using photography. It has been way too long since i have gotten my camera out just to shoot. I miss how alive i feel when i am capturing moments in time. moments that matter. i miss how i feel when i feel like i am doing the very thing that God created me to do. there is so much beauty out there. so much to experience. think about. all the things that we can experience in this life. i want to feel life deeply. i want to dig in and not hold back. being a good photographer requires that, but it also requires knowing when to wait and be patient. Ansel Adams would wait sometimes all day to get the perfect shot. How much does this mentality translate into our walks with the Lord. We must give it our all. We must give him our all. Along with that we must be patient and wait for Him. I will wait on the Lord. My soul waits. what does it look like to be living full out for Him and waiting for Him all at the same time? How my heart longs to be overseas.

i get lost in the music. it carries me further away with every note, with every beat. i get lost in the melodic sounds. what is it about sigur ros that takes me to this other place. i want to completely surround myself with these sounds. i wish we could taste sound. i wish it had color to it. it's like i almost implode on myself. i picture myself floating through my own body. swimming in my own blood stream. floating on my back navigating the twists and turns of blood vessels and artery's. being pumped through organs, carrying life to every part of my body. this music take me to somewhere incredibly peaceful, like a deserted island, a dense forest or a safe friends living room. i am feeling creative and i want to paint.

Surely we can change by david crowder band

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit

And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love Who came
To repair everything

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Oh, surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to change

i really like the simple truth of this song. it reminds me of what i need to be exuding in my life and what i need to be praying for.
tonight i was struck with the truth that I (and everybody else) was made for Him. I was reading Colossians 1:16 and it just really hit me. I mean i think i knew this fact, but haven't really slowed down lately to meditate on it and on the implications of it. i am made for Him. For His pleasure and joy. I am also not His puppet. If i were God i would be very tempted to make something that did exactly what i wanted when i wanted it too. I love that God is not like that. What is the deeper meaning of the verse all things have been created by Him and for Him? What does it imply about our lives? How does He want us to respond to Him when we understand this truth?

then i realize that it's ok for me not to be ok right now. that Jesus knows what i am feeling. that He is weeping with me. that He calls me to lift up my eyes and fix my gaze one Him. i realize that my pain may be very real, but that by the Lord's amazing grace it won't always be like this and that in light of eternity, this is just a blip, a valley that has an end. the enemy has already lost. my pain pales in comparison to so many peoples in this world. Father open my eyes to the pain in the world. let me respond with an open, warm heart. let me respond with love.

Just give me Jesus...